Summer Stretch

So we are still here in our little apartment - three months later.

Both S and I have had many moments where we've wanted to quite our jobs and do something else. This place is suffocating - immoral - and hypocritical. Not to mention the lousy pay. But that is really besides the point in many ways.

S has been making a solid effort to find herself a new job and I like always have just been toying with the idea. Today I am trying to make the push towards reconstructing my resume. Earlier this year my old computer crashed taking with it not only my resume but every piece of literary work that I've created throughout my university career.

It is scary to make this decision that I am going to start something new - find a new job - apply to go back to school etc. especially now that I've decided on a complete career shift. And to top it off I don't even know if I am going to be any good at my new chosen profession.

Where was this fear 5 years ago when I just randomly decided to go into Poli Sci? It was never a debate in my mind, this is what I was going to pursue and that was that. I never remember feeling conflicted about that choice. But here I am 5 years later thinking - what if this doesn't pan out? Suddenly the realities of working life are apparently clear. This is what I will be spending the majority of my time doing. Suddenly my personal experiences from the past year are incredibly valuable. The dread of going in to an institution every day that I do not respect. The personal torment and conflict that arises from that is far too consequential to ignore. If only I could make that leap and decide where I am going in this next year.